Next!

After the terribleness at the outpost I had to keep the rest of my year rather quiet and in-the-living-room, in order to cure myself from various viruses I caught at the party and to get rid of the humming.

Christmas came out of nowhere and so I did all my Chrstmas shopping in one day. Quite proud of myself! Within 5 hours I went from Highbury and Islington to Victoria to Tooting to Charing Cross to Camden Town to Euston to Angel and then back to H&I, got everything I wanted and spent enough money to have nothing to eat for about 2 weeks.

Christmas Eve was my last day at work. It was all about gift wrapping and pushing a tree in a wheelchair around Earlsfield. And then I could dive into something that somehow felt like a proper holiday, even though it was just a regular weekend off work. I gave my folks a shout to say "Merry Christmas" and "How’s the potato salad?" and then met Ros in a pub, where I found her singing the Somerset National Anthem to a bunch of scared looking old men, clutching their pint glasses.

Cause Somerset is where we went for the holidays, innit. And it was lovely! I fell quite a lot, cause the streets were so icey and then we went to a church where the kids came to the front to show off their favourite christmas presents and they had the text for the Our Father projected on the wall and instead of a nativity play they showed a YouTube clip! I don’t know if all services in the world are like this now, cause I haven’t been to church since 1879, I think, but I was quite fascinated and shocked at the same time.

And now 2010 is almost over, thank you, oh Lord. What a year… Moved house again, which was unexpected. Dropped out of college again, which was even less expected, but probably the number one in the hit list of feel good moments 2010. Number one of feel horrible moments is a little more difficult to define. Maybe that time when my exboyfriend’s flat mate had to come into the lady’s in an Irish Pub to wipe me off the floor like a ridiculous puddle of liquid sadness. Or when I woke up the day after drinking vodka with Conny for 17 hours straight and then sleeping for one. Or when I thought I had lost all my jackets, my wallet, my mobile and my dignity (but then it turned out to only be my dignity – so not all that bad, afterall) Or when I went to Primark on Oxford Street. Or no, I know! It was that night in the hostel when I met The Cunt. Cause I was all euphoric at the time about my big decisions, but also a little worried cause nothing was sorted yet and sad about the killer Charlize Theron film and cause I felt a little lonely and then I had to put up with HIM. Arschloch.

*rants for a while*

hmm… hmm... hmm... hmm... hmm... hmm... That’s better.

Oh yeah, and then there was the world cup. Sigh. All in all it was just an emotionally very, very exhausting year, I think. Could do with a nice quiet one, without too many feelings and too many big decisions.

Not all was bad, though, of course. Made lots of new friends, had ice cream, went to Greenwich to stand on the little line, which was, like, all I wanted from life, really. Went to a restaurant with penises all over the bathroom walls. What more do you want? Plus I managed to not get pregnant by accident once again and that’s quite worth something.

I really hope all you people had a better 2010 than me, to be honest, but I expect I will have a brilliant 2011, with even more ice cream and definitely moving house once, but not to a different city this time. New Year’s resolution: Write home more and don’t start smoking again.

NEXT!

Wiped and Unwired

I feel all broken and it was London whot did that to me.
My back hurts. My tongue hurts. My eyes hurt. My feet hurt. My wrists hurt. Alcohol-containing tears are running down my cheeks as I bandage my hands in vodka soaked cloths.

Today Loreena McKennit made me go clothes shopping at Oxford Circus with her. Christmas is not even two weeks away and that time of the year, the WHOLE of Oxford Street turns into what Primark on Oxford Street is all year around: HELL ON EARTH (see List of Places to Avoid in London).

Nameless tourists getting run over by buses, posh ladies in fur coats snarling at each other in a rather unladylike manner (I saw that! It was like they do in Hollywood films!), the white witch of Narnia laughing down at you from high above and in Primark on Oxford Street... well... I believe the cleaning ladies tacitly sweep up lost limps and ripped off heads in the evening...

And in the middle of it all: ME, pushing a lady in a wheelchair from John Lewis to bhs to H&M to Debenham's, desperately trying to ignore her singing the first 4 lines of "Let it snow" overandoverandoverandoverandoverandoverandover again. At least I found her trousers she liked and bought and they even fit and suited her and so her FIRST VISIT TO OXFORD STREET SINCE 1998, which OF COURSE had to be undertaken IN MID-DECEMBER of the year I am working for her, was not all in vain...

Maybe, tho, my nerves could have handled the situation better if I had slept more and partied less this weekend, WHICH WAS GROSSARTIG! (If not to say GEIL, cause that is a dirty word, innit.) We went to a party at M&J's, who live in the former dog food factory I mentioned before and I ate bad things, that my teachers at school always told me would make me die. What they really made me do was chew my tongue to shreds and make a "hmmm" noise every single time I breathed out for 15 hours straight. (Sometimes I still do it. And my poor tongue is still sore. Very, very sore.)

(hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...)

It all was a lawt of fun and not as bad as dying at all. But I think at one point I did fall asleep in the bathroom.

Oh and by the way, the German Christmas market was pretty and fun and amazing and I went on a ferris wheel for the first time in my life, apart, I think, from that one night when I later did pee into my godfather's bed, who didn't care much, cause I was an age when no one cares what beds you pee into, cause they kind of expect you to, but you're still old enough to remember it 22 years later, cause you always were easily embarrassed.

Good night, now, I have to go to bed, hum myself to sleep and forget all the PAINS London gave me.

hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...

All the Pretty Faces

After writing my last blog entry and turning the computer off, something went horribly wrong on my way to bed and I ended up in Brixton drinking beer with Marcel, Lisa, Marcel's friend Pretty Rahel from Israel and Pretty Rebecca and Pretty Rebecca's Pretty boyfriend. Pretty Isaac didn't join in, cause he had to go to G A Y and Heaven and chat up other pretty boys, of course, since it was Saturday.
I am only writing like this cause we talked a lot about how pretty we all are and how all people in London are very, very pretty, even though a lot of them have horrible teeth. Not quite sure if I agree with any theories we came up with that night anymore. There also was something about the US joining the European Union instead of all them Eastern European countries. I think it was Rahel's idea. She is quite extreme in her political views. But also very pretty.

And seriously, people are very good-looking around here.

Sunday after work I picked up Ros from Victoria coach station, cause she came back from Bradford, having forgotten her mobile and smelling of booze. Aww. We tried to cover the smell of yesterday's boozes by drinking fresh beer in Soho and eating WRONG food from an internationally well known fast food restaurant. Doing this we got into proper christmassy mood and strolled over the German Christmas Market in Hyde Park. It is brilliant. Not very German-Christmas-markety, but very German, anyway, cause it basically combines Oktoberfest and traditional Christmas markets in one big glittery-glimmery-bubble-blobb of Bratwurst and giant singing moose heads.
We are going again tonight with a little group of lovely people to drink some Gluehwein and maybe go for a ride on a rollercoaster. (See what I mean?)

Luckily the snow is all gone and London is working again, by the way. It is still very, very cold, though and I feel like I might be coming down with a cold. So there will be a lot of healthy soup and less horrible burgers for me the next few days. How cold does Britain get, anyway? I hope -2 means "cold" in this country and not -19, like where I am from. Brrrrr...

Wood Green

Gabby is back in town for a weekend!

So I spent my free day with her yesterday. Her boyfriend and her just moved into a new flat in Wood Green, so I got to see a small new bit of London. Wood Green is busy, cleaner than most parts of London I have seen so far and the new flat is cosy and lovely with a massive garden. We wanted to go for some beers and then cook something nice for Enzo - the boyfriend. It all went a bit wrong, cause we drank a lot of beers first and then did the shopping: We bought steak and one box of aioli per person. 5 different Ben&Jerry's ice creams and baking potatoes and 2 bottles of champagne and more beer and also jet black floor paint, cause we thought we could do some DIY while the potatoes are in the oven.

In retrospect I am quite glad we got distracted by beer and didn't start painting the floors.
When Enzo came home, he ended up doing the cooking, cause we were already a bit too drunken. Ooops.

He is lovely, I had never met him before, apart from earlier in the day, when I went to his work at Highbury and Islington to get his keys off him, cause Gabby had locked herself in the flat and then realised she had left her set of keys in Germany.

Anyway, we had a really, really fun night, but I was sensible enough to leave at about 11pm, cause I had to work today and Tooting is far, far away from Wood Green (obviously, as it is far, far away from everything, but Wimbledon Stadium...)
So I got on the tube and only realised that I was going the wrong direction when I was already in Oakwood, which is in zone 5 (!) at the northern end of the Picaddily line. I was home by 1am or something and am all knackered. Tonight: tea, chrstmas card making, early night = utterly right.

End of Chapter One

It is December and I have been here for the whole of three months today.

When I packed my bags in September I didn't even know if I'd come here for a week or the planned three weeks or just a weekend or something in between. I sure didn't expect to spend all winter here and so I only packed a couple of t-shirts and flipflops. I started freezing weeks ago.

So... It was definitely time to pop back to Germany for a few hours to get some more stuff. So I did last weekend.
A rather disappointing trip home, in a way. Didn't see my brother, really and only one of the two selected friends I meant to meet up with. Plus I spent all Sunday night arguing with my mother, both of us being drunk on red wine (and in my case beer and Gluhwein).

I did spend some lovely hours on the Christmas market with a Julia, though. Ate as much German food as I could possibly put in my face within 60 hours and spent shitloads of money on Gluhwein. Also I escaped my dentist's chair once again without him using a drill or anything. 25 years and I've never had a dentist do anything to me! There's something to be proud of...

Most of the weekend I spent packing. I packed like someone who was going to emigrate. I packed sensible shoes and fancy shirts and all the pants and socks I could find. I had to wear 3 Jackets on my way back, for different reasons.
Reason number one: My suitcase was already more than full and way too heavy.
Reason number two: It is fucking freezing in Germany/Switzerland as well as London.

There is a lot of snow here. People die and everything. No one goes to work and school's shut down.
It is ridiculous. Says the laundrette man. He was very happy to see me the other day.

"Finally!" he said "a German person! You won't complain about snow!" No. Obviously after him welcoming me like that I didn't complain about the snow, despite just having carried 25 kilos of dirty laundry through a snow storm.
"The British are pagans (dunno really, what he meant by this), they don't know anything." he said. "They are closing down schools in North London because of the snow! What snow? There's no snow! Look at this, can you see any snow? That's nothing! If they close down schools, the children won't learn anything anymore. Like American children. They go to school for 12 years and when you ask them where Germany is, they will point at South America! I don't know what they do in those schools! And soon it will be like that in England..."

And all because of the snow. Shocking. I love the laundrette man, he is so dramatic. And he loves me for not complaining about the snow. I practically am from the alpes, though.

My mum and I are ok again, by the way. She bought me Schupfnudeln mit Sauerkraut and I bought her an advent calender and then she stayed awake until I was safe in my bed in Tooting, cause she was worried my plane would crash or some London gangster would shoot me on my way home, now that we had had a massive fight.

Home. See how I used it? It is nice being back.

I was walking through Konstanz and thought... I love it so much more when I don't live there. And I do! I love it so much! It is so pretty with the lake and it's tiny crooked houses from 1273. It has the Casba, which is The Best Bar. (Basically it's a room with two foosball tables, three bar stools and a darts machine. All the walls are hidden behind boxes and boxes of bottled beer and the staff are only allowed to drink for free during opening hours.) Also, it has my family in it (Konstanz, not the bar. Only sometimes the bar has parts of my family in it...) And it's full of happy childhood memories and awkward, but important teenage memories.

But I do start calling London home, and it feels all warm and funny in the belly.

In other news: My NVQ course ended today with an English and Maths test. I think I did quite well in both. Didn't really learn anything at all, but well. It's always good to have a certificate for something. Maybe I can sell it on the black market or something.

Three months, ey. It seems so much longer. I am all settled and have friends and am going to Germany as a visitor, when all I wanted when I came here in September was one conversation.
Can't even remember what that man walking his dogs and cat that one morning said to me that made my drunken mind go "he's right, I should probably stay here", but I am very happy I met him.

Meet the Mad Hatter

I had a nervous breakdown at Old Street this morning. Why would the first tubes go at 7.30am on a sunday?? Unbelievable! People have to get to church and stuff!
Loreena MacKennit, at least and that means I have to be at hers just when the first train leaves Old Street Underground Station... what to do?
Wake up your girlfriend, who knows more about buses in London and has internet and cry into the telephone.
If you are lucky, your girlfriend sorts it all out while you roll around on the pavement in a panic. I am very lucky.
And Loreena MacKennit is, cause she is currently singing and praying in her church.
Plus she said I did a brilliant job this morning and was all organised and that and she could see that I was well rested and energized.
Couldn't help saying "Really? I had a bit of a stressful morning." She asked if I had overslept and I said yes, cause I didn't want to tell her that it was more of a lovely wine-and-stew-sit together with dancing around to cheesy music at midnight in East London and a big portion of stupidity of not checking if trains are running on a sunday. Anyway. Won't happen again, ey.

It reminded me, though, of how massive and scary London is. I mean... I start bumping into people I know in the streets and I know lots of bus routes and tube connections and never even have a map on me anymore. But that is because the parts of London I actually "use" are probably, put together, not even as big as Konstanz. And then I strand at Old Street at 6.30am on a Sunday and have no idea what to do and there's 15 bus stops with 57 buses and a million street lights and a huge scary poster of Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter and that is all it takes to make me feel completely lost, cause I have no idea in what direction Wimbledon is.

I am calming down now. Will go for a nice cup of tea in my next break and make peace with Johnny Depp's face.

A Mad Tea-Party

BIRTHDAY BLOG - I wrote this on Monday.


Hello lovelies,

I know it has been ages and I owe you a long update. Today I am off work, and it is "Nio can do what she wants day", so I had a lollipop instead of brushing my teeth this morning, greasy bubble for breakfast, breakfast TV instead of a shower and later I will go for lunch with lovely people, and in the evening I will go for a Nio-day-meal with someone terrible. But right now all I want to do is write my blog.

So what happened, where was I, am I OK?

Yes, thank you, I am very well! London is still amazing, still exciting, still feels right. I can't WAIT to go to Germanland for a weekend in two weeks, but I think for now a weekend will definitely be enough.
Someone somewhere once said in a very melodramatic voice "No matter where I am I wish I was somewhere else." Then she fell off a boat and died, I think.
That was in some TV show I watched when I was 13 and I always could relate to that sentence so well... restless teenage me. Not only teenage, actually, the last 5 years weren't much better. But I remember sitting in the kitchen in the Vortex thinking... "There's nowhere I'd rather be right now." It was a very new feeling for me and it was nice. But even Galway I left over two years ago and frankly, I wouldn't want to live there again. I love it with all my heart, but it is a weird place, Galway. It's in a bubble. Surreal, in a way. The one place farthest from the world.
Anyway, my point is: I feel like that again. There's nowhere I'd rather be right now, even if it is a kitchen looking out on Tooting High Street. I feel like I'm in the right place. And this time it is London, which is pretty much in the middle of the world and also very real.

Work

Work is still good, quite challenging, lately, but good. Loreena MacKennit is very happy with me, which means she gives me more and more more and more difficult things to do. When I am not fighting Wandsworth council, BT or her Evil Social Worker on her behalf, I am mostly babysitting little Em and little A, who just introduced me to the world of BBC cebeebies. I can feel my brain cells die in dozens every second I spend with the little ones and Tom and Mr Sluffy and Mrs Mouse or whatever their names are. Someone who drinks as much as me mustn't complain about dying brain cells, tho.

Booze

Yes, Boozenews. Some people around here were planning on making November a dry month and I was already worried about no one having a single birthday pint with me. Luckily, by the 2nd of November all those people were already so drunk that a "dry November" was impossible anyway and we all just kept drinking for the next two weeks. Happy hungover nio face.

It was Halloween of course and my first proper one. We had pumpkins and sweets and candles and scary costumes and beer and Sarah killed our faces with make-up, so that they would look proper zombielike. Also we were too lazy to open the door, so could keep all the sweets to ourselves. Halloween is brilliant.

Then, even more exciting, it was Bonfire night. Unfortunately I didn't really get to see any of the big firework displays, but we went to a little house party in a former dog food factory and had our own little firework fun on the roof terrace. With amazing bread.

Bread

People can say what they want, neither baguette and brioche nor ciabatta compare to proper lovely fresh German bread. MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmh...
Christine, a former volunteer, came to visit us for a few days the other weeks and she brought lots and LOTS of amazingbread. So we had a breadparty. We got all excited and almost choked on bites of bread, that's how excited we were. Lisa and me.
Then there was this home made amazing bread at the house party and THEN I got more of it for my birthday on Saturday. So I am stuffed with bread and there's no real reason to go to Germany anymore, BUT...

Germany

... I am going for the weekend! I have booked a flight that leaves Gatwick horribly early on a Saturday morning and another one that arrives there horribly late on a Monday night. Am looking forward to it, though. Am planning on strolls over lovely Christmas markets with lots of Gluehwein, meeting lots of Julias and having dinner with my parents and my brother and get drunk with everyone I meet. If your name is not Julia and you still want to meet me in Konstanz the weekend after next, let me know! I also will have to squash in two doctors appointments, so I won't have an awful lot of time.

Nanowrimo

So while November has been amazing and fun so far, Novelber worries me a bit. I am about 10 days behind schedule and doubt I will finish in time, but who knows. I am still writing. Maybe I'll just make it into a Christmas Present for someone.

Food

Project "get fatter" is now completed. I am fat enough again, thank you very much.

Promise

I will get better again, I promise. I don't want this blog to fall asleep. there's still so much to discover for me in this city, my mouth is still hanging open half the time. I might focus on my thoughts on London more, as well, and less on booze and bread...

Innit

Haven't said it at all this time, innit.



PS: I am going to have a shower and brush my teeth now.

'nother non-tootingy update

Had serious chat with my friend The Laundrette Man the other day, cause I left some things lying around in his shop while the washing was on and I was going to buy stamps for Loreena McKennit. It went like this:

Laundrette Man: "I took your stuff behind the counter, so it wouldn't get stolen!"
Me: "Thank you! But it's just..."
Laundrette Man: "You can't leave things lying around like that! They will get stolen!"
Me: "Ok, I know, but it was just..."
Laundrette Man: "The other day I saw a guy holding a knife to some other guys throat right in front of my eyes!"
Me: "Oh! Ok... but in that bag it's just..."
Laundrette Man: "Leave something lying around and I swear... 20 seconds!"
Me: "Really? But it's just..."
Laundrette Man: "Yes! 20 seconds and your bag will be gone if you leave it lying around like that!"
Me: "But it's just..."
Laundrette Man: "WELCOME TO LONDON!"
Me: "BUT IT'S JUST..."
Laundrette Man: "I am just worried about you, girl..."

Awww. That is when I stopped trying to finish my sentence.
It would have ended: "... a manky plastic bag with an empty can of washing liquid."

If anyone in London is desperate for those things, they shall have them.

Anyway. He is right, though, London is dangerous.
The other day the Evening Standard had a headline "Man in dress pushed to death on tube".
Yeah, I know. Random. that's what I thought. You would expect something like that to happen every day in London. When I got on the tube for the very first time in my life I thought "fuckican'tbreatheandit'scrowdedandhotandiwanttogetoutofhereANDTHISISTHEFIRSTANDLASTTIMEIWILLEVERTAKETHETUBE." That was 1 year and 3 months ago and I have taken lots of tubes since and I love it now.
And you know, I was used to underground trains. Hehe. That wasn't the problem. But these were kind of ROUND and ORGANISED and full of business men. In Bochum it was just occasional square trains full of unemployed people. (... Home.)
Anyway, turns out people don't die on the tube on a daily basis and it is worth a frontpage headline if you do.
Also, turns out I have met the "man in dress" who was killed, just 3 weeks ago. SHE used to go to Loreena McKennit's church and was one of her best friends and I was just introduced to her on one of my shadow shifts.
So my last couple of days at work were rather sad and full of candles.

Apart from that my week was fun! (Excuse the callous transfer to a new topic. (Heh, sometimes I wonder if I sound like Alex from "Everything is illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer))

I went to an AMAZING SWISHING PARTY at Vic's house on Tuesday and now I have 3 times as many clothes as I had before. Google "Swishing party", I am too lazy to explain, but it was ACE. When I went there, I was all shy and went "I am not bringing anything, so I'll just let other people take what they want and eat the leftovers..."
But then I got drunken and took lots of nice stuff home. Ooops.
Hm, well, I expect there to be a swishing party in the future where anyone can take all my stuff and I'll be all happy about that.

Yes. Innit.

Hats and other accessories

Oh dear, Saturday night was full of fezzes and I was full of boozes and the last thing I remember is trying to show off my oh-so-amazing table tennis skills and flinging my table tennis bat through the whole Book Club (where the party was, innit) instead of hitting the ball and then giving up and walking away from the "game". Fez held high.

Apart from that it was a fun night. I saw Eva, who returned from New York with AMAZING HAIR. And Sal and lots of other people I hadn't seen in a while or never before.
Lisa came out as well! She ended up crashing on Emma's sofa and I am now dreading going home,cause I am embarrassed about the table tennis incident and the general drunkenness and I wonder if she still likes me. Most people like me better when I am drunken, tho, so I am not too worried.

Sunday I spent doing nothing.

I will have a lot of free time the rest of this week! Am only working Thursday and Friday and I don't have too many plans either. I am desperate for a hair cut, cause my last one I had in... early August. Ouch. Hair cut is first priority now, will try to find a free one somewhere tomorrow morning. Mission.
I also won't have to be too worried about getting cold ears. It is freezing outside, but Ros baught me a hat for 2.50 in Yorkshire. It is less funny, but warmer than a fez.
Also my mum sent me an amazing package full of gloves and scarves and mittens from Germany! In one of the gloves I found my glasses. I will go home in a minute and put them on. I have been looking forward to this moment for seven weeks now, so since I decided to stay here, really.

(SEVEN WEEKS! LORDY.)

I am sure my eyes will cry with joy tonight, rather than the usual tiredness, when they will see the glasses, even though they usually hate them a lot, cause they are a little ugly and broken and not strong enough for me to see the TV at the end of the room. They are good enough to read and draw and sit at computers and that is what I do most of the time anyway.

So thank you mum-who-hopefully-doesn't-read-all-this!

Other plans for the next few days:

- go to swishing party with embarrassingly empty hands
- carve a pumkin
- do whatever people do on Halloween

Happyface.



PS: Sorry, this, again, was not about Tooting at all. Am working on it, am working on it. Like the phone company on our internet connection, I am sure.

Bring mich nach Hause

Meh.

My lovely friend Jules sent me one of my favourite German band's (Wir Sind Helden) new album, which I have been waiting for for YEARS. And then they released it when I was moving to En-ger-land, so it was hard to get. And now I have it and don't like it. It's too... mushy and totally missing the clever, cheeky lyrics, which are the main reason why I love the band in the first place. What happened to your genius, Judith Holofernes???

More news from Germany: Talked to my mother for about 45 minutes, cause it was her birthday on Tuesday. (Which means that my Last-Ever-Childrens-Allowence which I will receive in a couple of weeks... (Wild!)... will probably pay for a birthday call to my mum. It seems right, in a way.)
Apart from my brother's homework and other incredibly interesting subjects we also talked about my decision to move here some more. I answered "yes" to the question if I still felt happy with it. And my mum said that she thought it was the best thing I could have done and gave me a list of people she has talked to (who I don't know) who think the same thing. It felt very good, hearing that.

I AM still so happy to be here. Every day. I don't want anyone to "bring me home" anyhow. *waves Wir sind Helden goodbye*

Yesterday I met up with Friederike again. She's been here for a month now and she loves it - even though she spends most of her time in Sidcup, where she works.
That is also why it took us so long to meet again. A month. That is ridiculous. We had a really fun time yesterday, though. We did some touristy stuff. I took pictures of her in front of Tower Bridge and all that, but then the camera's batteries died and we went to the pub.

Gabby has gone back to Germany... booooo... She will be back in a month and then for a few weeks over Christmas. I am sure we will manage to meet for Glühweins and Lebkuchen at the German Christmas market in Hyde park then.

Christmas. Yes, it has arrived in the supermarkets. It's getting cold as well now. Soon it will be time for me to pay Germanland a visit and pick up my winter coat and my orange dykey winter boots and maybe a jumper. I am looking forward to winter this year. I bet it will be better than this rubbish summer we just had.

SHADwise things are getting a bit messy. Spending cuts and all that, the organisation is getting it's funding pulled by the end of November. Not quite sure what that will mean for me. Loreena McKennit says she wants to employ Lisa and me directly, but I'm not sure if I want that. Would mean a lot of hassle for me and probably moving in with Delius and Romanus and I'd still not have much more money than I have now. We'll see. Wait and see. Have a nice cup of tea. Etc.

Not about Tooting at all

I will postpone the Tooting post, cause I have been working on it for days and am far from finishing it and I want to update my blog.
The Tooting post will be L O N G. Maybe I should make the Tooting post my project for novelber (which is what I will call November this year, since it is National Novel Writing Month)and write my book about Tooting. "A walk through Tooting" by Nio S. Keep an eye out for it.

Today I did a lot of cooking. I have now decided that cooking is my least favourite part about my job. Today I made houmous and Shepherd's pie and an amazing garlicy bean and leek soup and scrambled eggs on toast and I didn't get to eat A SINGLE BEAN. (Actually I might have stolen one...)
I am now home and hungry.
Unfortunately Lisa didn't cook for me tonight. She did yesterday. She made a vegetable fry up and mushroomy sauce and mashed potatoes and a lovely pudding as well! And we all met at Marten's flat and ate it. "We all" that is Marten, Lisa, Marcel, Phil, Leonard and me. We are like a little volunteer family. A mostly German family, unfortunately. Leonard is the only non-German and he is not much more exciting, cause he is English. He is VERY English, which in german-clishe-thinking means: funny and polite (and wearing a bowler hat).
My favourite conversation last night involved a client who has boobs and a dick and invites her volunteers to have sex with her regularly, which Leonard thought "wasn't very appropriate". It made me love Loreena McKennit and my job with her even more.

Work was a little more relaxed lately, though. I had lots of days off and mostly spent them in Hackney with booze and Ros. In that order. It was her birthday on Monday, so I took her out for dinner. Which on a 60 quid wage means: currywurst and pommes.
We went to a cosy little German restaurant that also offers Sauerkraut and Fleischkaes and plays romantic Schlagermusik by DJ Oetzi and Konsorten.
There is a new song that goes "Ich will ne Frau ohne Arschgeweih"* over and over again. I now can't wait for carnival in March!

We also spent a night of slight terribleness at Sarah's house. I don't remember much, only staring at Sarah's tiny ears, drinking lots of water and birthday cakes at midnight, so I don't know what happened to my memory. Maybe I am getting old.

And maybe I should mention now that next month it will be my birthday. You now have 3 weeks to book flights to London and find a present. I will be a quarter of a century old on the 15th and I like ears (especially Sarah's), ice cream, octopusses and potatoes. Thank you.

Other things I did: Went to the Prince Charles Cinema at Leicester Square and watched an amazing film about surfing and bank robbery and got a book for free (The Best of the Best of the new Horror)!
Also I got very drunk in Soho, but I guess that isn't very exciting news anymore.

Am off work for three or 4 days now! Hurray, hurray! I will cook for MYSELF!



*"I want a woman without a tramp stamp.!"

Getting Settled

I've been talking about work too much. That's probably because I have been working too much. So enough of that!
I just was off work for two days. And now don't know what to talk about.

Living in London feels more and more... normal. In a good way, though. I guess you could say I am getting settled. I have finally moved out of the wardrobe sized room they made me live in for the first weeks in my new flat and am now residing in a ballroom sized bedroom with two massive windows looking out on Tooting High Street. I love it. It makes me want to take ballet classes and apply mirrors all over the walls. Or buy a pool table. Or give yoga classes. (Not that I knew much about yoga, but I could take a crash course with my mum I suppose.)

So y'all can come visit me now and either sleep in the wardrobe or on my floor. It is free, but bring your own beer, cause I am properly running out of money, now. Can't wait for pay day! Can't wait for getting money paid into my bank account instead of having a lot of cash handed to me in a Hello Kitty paper bag either. Oh my new life is better than my old life in so many ways...

I start missing things as well now, tho! German bread. Those horrible pizza things they sell in the univerity cafeteria for 1.80. Cheap beer. Jumpers. My 3.99 hat. My glasses.

Next month two former volunteers are going to visit Lisa and me. They are both German (of course) and they will bring us bread. So don't worry I'm not starving. Also, there's always Boots Blueberry and Yoghurt Nougat Bars!

Soon, when I have a bit more time for an update I will tell you all about Tooting. If you want me to or not.

hello, you terrible drunkards

Back in Tootingtown... My Hackney holiday was quite amazing. The weather was lovely - I just learned that these days in October when it gets all hot and sunny and summer-ish for a few days are called "little summer" or "St Luke's summer". Loreena McKennit is good for facts like that. It's like "Kalte Sophie" in a summer version. Not quite sure if we get that in Germany at all. Anyone?

Thursday night started off quite nice and relaxed in the Green in Islington with Sal, Vic and Ros. It ended rather crazy and drunken in a tree house close to Finsbury Park with a girl from Oklahoma. Ehem. I don't get bored.

Friday I didn't do much, apart from sittin around in parks, read and do novel planning. Then met Ros and two of her colleagues for pints at Highbury and Islington and then met a whole bunch of lovely people at the Pembury Tavern for "free food". "Free food" meant "mussels", which I didn't eat, but it was a really fun evening anyway. Bit tired today, cause I had to work early this morning. Very quiet day at work. Loreena McKennit feels a bit ill and basically spent all day asleep.
I went to the laundrette for the second time, though. It is my new favourite part about my job. I'd never been to a laundrette before in my life and always imagined it to be rather boring. And frankly: It is rather boring.
But I love the laundrette man. He is very helpful, very chatty, very Italian and very happy when Loreena McKennit has German volunteers. He has a sister in Germany, in Siegen, whose kids don't speak Italian or English, so the vols are his only way of communicating with his nieces and nephews. He says. I bet if he asked his sister she would help out as well.
Anyway, after chatting to him twice for half an hour I know everything about all the volunteers Loreena McKennit has ever had AND about Germany, which he knows really well, cause he goes there all the time.

Oddness: This morning at 9 am about 35 Japanese women asked me for the way to Streatham cementary and then just followed me there. I never wished I understood Japanese more.

Now: Bit of beer and a bit of sleep.

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means longest day of work, because Loreena McKennit goes to church at Trafalgar Square. I wish I had friends who joined me for coffees at Trafalgar Square at 10am on Sunday mornings like other people. Alas, my friends are mostly drunkards and terrible and are usually still sipping their gin at 10am on Sunday mornings. (And that is why I like them so much. *smiles at thought of terrible friends*)

KNACKERED

We have a potato peeler!

We still don't have proper internet, but you can't have everything, I suppose.

My new life is still GOOD, but quite exhausting, especially the work bit. When I first started I was told that there would be plenty of time for me to just sit in the corner and read a book, but during my first two shifts I was spending more time on dismanteling shelves, repairing sunglasses, making appointments, cooking soups and doing drugs (which sadly just means organising Loreena McKennit's medication).

Monday I was off work, but still spent half my day at the office, waiting for V. to get organised. Then I met Zuzana, who took me to a part of London I'm sure I'd never been to before, but I can't remember what it's called. Anyway, it has a health food shop where you can buy 1 litre of lovely organic wine (white or red) for 6 quid. You just have to bring your own bottle. It is good wine, we had some of it when our beer glasses in the pub were empty.
The last two days I mostly spent with Loreena McKennit, who talks so much it is starting to do my head in a little. She spends a lot of time talking about how she likes it quiet and not having to talk to people. Go figure.

Tomorrow I will have to be at her house at stupid o'clock in the morning, cause she ordered a TV that will be delivered very, very early. I hope it will mean that I can leave a little earlier than I usually would, but I am not very hopeful. She always has a lot of things to do (and tell you). And she has very weak memory so she tends to forget things like giving you breaks and letting you go home.
Maybe Delius will come around tomorrow, though, because he is supposed to paint the living room. And Lisa and I are supposed to help him. Also, Loreena McKennit now wants us to move in with him. Delius. She thinks it's a good idea, cause his volunteers' flat is closer to her house. The only reasons against it Lisa and I could come up with were that we'd really like to stay in the flat that is more central and that we really like sharing a flat just the two of us. She didn't seem very convinced, but I could hardly tell her that if I was living with Delius I would probably move from half time alcoholism to full time alcoholism and spend all my weekly 60 quid on the weed I could then buy in my own living room.
I really hope Lisa and I can stay in our Tooting Broadway flat.

Denva is still not giving up and I am thinking about changing my mobile number.

Bed now, cause of the long day at work tomorrow. In the evening I will travel to East London and meet Ros and then stay at Eva's one more time and spend all of Friday in Hackney. It will be like a little holiday and I am looking forward to it! (I think that is what my holidays will look like from now on: A day in Hackney. There's worse.)

Volunteery Movements

I am in the new flat AND on the internet! My lovely flatmate Lisa has one of those sticks that you just plug into a USB port and then the internet works, mysteriously.

Yes, I have moved. It is a very, very nice feeling being in a flat where you can walk around in pants and leave the dirty dishes for the next day and you know you can stay for at least a few months.
Thing I miss most, now that there is even occasional internet access: a potato peeler. Will go to the office tomorrow and demand one.

Our big moving house friday was quite chaotic. THEY did call in the end, but eventually it was Ben (yet another volunteer) and me organising the key swapping and volunteer movements. Quite complicated, actually! Ben moved from the Brixton flat to the Streatham flat into Winnie's room, who moved to Tooting flat 1 into my old temporary room, then I moved to Tooting flat 2 into Nancy's room, who moved on to Brixton into Ben's old chamber.
Also, Marcell moved from Tooting flat 3 into the Brixton flat, while Stanley moved from no-one-knows-where into Tooting 3 and Geraldine (=The-other-girl-who-didn't-tell-me-her-name, I mentioned her before) moved out of Tooting 1 to no-one-knows-where!

There, lots of new names for you. I have met most of the volunteers now, there are 35 of us. Most of us are nice and fun and I am looking forward to getting to know us better.
Ben is a lovely guy from Portsmouth, who's just here "until he finds another job", a bit like me. He knows interesting facts about the battle of Trafalgar.
Marcell is still very gay and a lot of fun. He is excited about living in the Brixton flat now, which he shares with Nancy, someone I don't know and Isaac, who is also gay and - as it turns out - once went on a date with Marcell's exboyfriend! I love when shit like that happens.
Nancy is still tiny and bored with life. She almost got me arrested or something, tho. Cause I helped her move her 15 suitcases from Tooting flat 2 to Brixton on Friday and she bought me a child's day travel pass for the tube. After there being a technical problem and a big tube officer man almost looking at my ticket she eventually warned me that I had to pretend to be 15. REALLY? NANCY? Do I look like 15 to you? Not all of us are 4 foot tall and have babyfaces. She's sweet, tho, was very worried if I'd find my way back and I had to text her when I was home safe. Bless her.
Then there is Delius, who is my new favourite person of all. He has been a volunteer with the organisation for 2 1/2 years! And he's still here. As a side job he does gardening. He loves flowers. Aww. He doesn't look like the kind of guy to love flowers with his Tommy Hilfiger clothes and spliffs hanging out of his mouth all day. He is going to do Loreena McKennit's garden this month. I hope he will come around lots when I am on shift! We get along really well, he calls me two times a day and I just stare at him whenever I see him, cause his face looks exactely like that of someone I loved in an obsessive teenage kind of way for years and years when I was, well, a teenager.
Lisa is still ace, getting better and better actually. I cooked her dinner today (an improvised curry, which turned out really well!) and we'll go for a game of pool in a bit.

So yeah, I am getting settled into my new life. Today was my last shaddow shift, next time I will have to face Loreena McKennit all on my own! Huh!
I wheeled her around in the wheelchair for the very first time today and she gave me 8 out of 10 points for it, which I think is acceptable. I was just glad she didn't fall out or something.

Saturday was a quiet day, did some shopping and went to Vic's birthday party in the evening, which was FUN in capital letters. We all were wearing vicwigs, which made some of us look like Vic and some of us like themselves with a wig on. And some of us like rOzzy rOsbourne with a fringe.

Also my bank card and details from my new bank account arrived! Very happy about that, cause I am running out of money. Unfortunately they got my name wrong, the eejits. Spelled my surname with an "a" in the end. The Insurance Number people also got my name wrong. They left the "c" out. I can see that this will continue to cause problems. Big sigh.

Foood, No Foood

Project "Get fatter" is going very well. I think just last night I gained about 15 kg.
Ros took me to a madly decorated restaurant in Hackney, where they had lovely food, weird music and drawings of penises all over the bathroom walls. Had a three course dinner and a pretty cocktail! NJAM!
Afterwards we went for beers at Dalston Superstores and then home-not-too-late (at least I did). Last night home for me was Eva's flat.
I woke up in her bed and was very confused about it at about 4 this morning. I think 8 different beds and sofas within 4 weeks is a bit too much, afterall. I am looking forward to having my own bed again.
I left for Tooting really early, cause I was told that I would have to move house early this morning. Have been sitting on packed bags for about 2 hours now, waiting for THEM to call.
The only person who called so far was Linda off the Yellow Pages, who had lots of questions about SHAD I wasn't able to answer. But at least she called three times in a row.

Not sure how I will move all my stuff to my new address. I have two backpacks and 4 other bags, including a massive one with my duvet in it, which I will steal, cause it is nice and new and doesn't have former volunteers' menstrual blood on it.
Also, after I have moved I will be without internet. Boooo... hopefully not for too long. But Loreena McKennit says phone companies in the UK are horrible and always take ages to get things done. So basically: They are like phone companies in Germany, so it might be a while before I can update my facebook status to "is happy about having internet in her new flat!".
Am still looking forward to the new flat, though, cause it has a proper kitchen with proper pans and pots in it and I will have a flatmate who will actually talk to me and I will cook for her and she will play the guitar and it will be all nice and homely. Plus there's still lots of beer in the fridge from Tuesday.

In other news... I missed my flight back to Germany yesterday! So now there's no way back. Cause I don't have money for booking another flight and will have to stay in the UK for ever and ever if I want to or not. Yayay!

Also: I am still not rid of Denva. I texted him again after his 57th text message and told him that I am really not interested in dating him for various reasons: I am very new in London, just want to get settled for now and have lots of other things on my mind, I have been single only for a few weeks and also I am a massive lesbian.
He sulked for a few hours, then went: "I get it, babe."
But he didn't get it, cause yesterday he invited me for dinner, cause he thinks that even new-to-London-recently-heart-broken lesbians will have to eat from time to time.

WELL, THEY DON'T!
(At least not for another 12 hours, after that dinner last night.)

Triplegay

Yesterday was a massively busy day... I got up early, as I was supposed to meet the 6th graders and my former English teacher (who I will just call RSM from now on) at Mme Tussaud's at 10am. I was a little late, but so were they.

Someone I didn't expect: Uli, a good friend of my mum's, who is also a teacher at my old school. She now knows everything about my new life in London, while my mum still knows very little, which is weird. It was nice seeing her, though. I've known her all my life, but hadn't seen her in ages.

While the kids (who I repeatedly was introduced to as "Tara Abi'05", who lives in London now.*) were still posing with the waxworks I went for a cup of tea with RSM. Was really nice catching up with her and hearing about all the changes at my old school. She's two years older than my mum, but it did feel a bit like meeting an old friend. I spent a lot of time with her during my teenage years, afterall. She was my tennis coach for 2 years, my English teacher for 5, I was in one of her theatre plays and graduated from school with one of her sons. Plus she wrote me lots of references since, which I am very thankful for. Weirdly she also thinks quitting my English studies is a good idea. You wouldn't expect that from your very organised, very strict, very reasonable former teacher, but she seems to know me even better than I thought. She says if I want to she will write me a certificate saying: "T. hat das Lernziel erreicht.", which was one of the funniest things I had heard in a while. :) So yeah, I had a really good time!
And as I also wanted to talk to Uli for a while I decided to join the group on their walk from Buckingham Palace, past Downing Street 10 to the Royal Horse Guards and Chinatown.
That walk made me remember how horrible it is being a 13 year old and why not-becoming-a-teacher was a very wise decision for me to make.

I then even had some amazing, cheap Chinese food in Chinatown with RSM and Uli, who invited me.

After saying goodbye to them all I made my way to Newington Green to get Eva's keys from the bar. Resisted the temptation of having a pint at the Oak Bar and took a bus to Angel instead, where I met Rieke, who just moved to London the other day. She'd never been here before and is very confused and a little lost in the massiveness of the city. But she has an oyster card already and is very proud of it!

We had a few pints in some random pub at Angel and then headed to Tottenham Court Rd to meet Marcell, who begged me to go to a gay bar with him for distraction from his ex. The gay bar turned out to be a gay dance club in Soho, full of half naked gay men being very gay at each other all over the place. I quickly got the impression that Rieke didn't feel too comfortable, which is understandable, seeing as it was the first gay bar she's ever been in and not exactely the gentlest introduction to the scene.
So I left Marcell with a very short bald guy on the dance floor and took Rieke to a normal, quiet pub instead. I think she was quite happy about that, but also felt a little bad, cause she didn't want anyone to think that she was homophobe. I know she's not. She's one of the people who reacted best and in the most helpful way when I came out, for example. Anyway, I was a little happy, too, cause I was more in a talk-to-good-friend-who-not-seen-in-ages-and-drink-beer mood rather than a dance-all-night-with-sweaty-gay-men-and-sniff-poppers mood. By the time Rieke got on her tube and I had had talked enough and drunken enough beer I was a little in that mood, though and went back to the club. Then realised that I was in the wrong one (they all look the same and have very similar names and all!) and ran around Soho for a while trying to find the right one with Marcell in it. That is why today I have THREE stamps saying "G-A-Y" on my wrist. That made me laugh when I woke up very hungover this morning.
Well, eventually I found Marcell, who was still with the little bald guy and we did some sweaty dancing. Then decided to go to another horrible gay bar, where we did more sweaty dancing. The only other person who joined us was a very old gay man with a beard and a belly top, who was very interested in poor handsome young Marcell. He kept grabbing my arm and pushing me into his equally unattractive lesbian friend, so that was fun. When he screamed into Marcell's ear with his very high voice "I looooove your bitch**!!", we left.

Feeling very, very rough today. And very skinned.







*RSM made it all sound like "look, she came from where you are now and has made it all the way to London" as if it was a big achievement and I wanted to shout: "KIDS, DON'T DO WHAT I DID! I AM ALMOST 25 AND HAVE NOTHING IN THE WORLD APART FROM BEER DRINKING SKILLS AND 60 QUID A WEEK", but didn't, cause I like my life a lot right now and think they'd probably enjoy it, too. Also I think they might actually believe my surname was "Abi05".

**That is me.

Men

So that was another weekend in London. My 4th one since I moved here and the best one so far! I hope they will keep getting better like this!

Saturday Ros came all the way to Tooting and brought me more bedsheets and books and shoes. Then we went for a proper little pub crawl, which was a lot of fun, but when Ros had to leave I was horribly pissed already and ended up flirting with A GUY. I think. I'm so disgusting. I received a text the next day saying: "Hi there, just thought I'd say hi, I hope you have recovered since last night, Denva x". Denva! He kept texting me all of Sunday. Apparently I have a date with him tonight. Think I am going to cancel that.

So yeah, Sunday morning I felt a bit rough. I decided to cook some proper food, which turned out to be quite a challenge.
The kitchen in the place I am currently staying in is a shithole. The washing machine is broken and so is the kettle and the tin opener and 4 of the 5 sauce pans. There's no frying pan. There is exactly one spoon, one fork and one knife for the three of us. I managed to put some vegetable-pasta-thing together, though, which sorted my hangover out a little.

Afterwards I met Eva and Zuzana at Victoria. The plan was for Eva to give me her keys so that I can use her flat while she is in the US, but then we realised that she would have to sleep on the streets that night, cause she wouldn't be able to get back into her flat and I kindly returned the keys to her. Now she'll leave them behind the bar of The Oak for me.
So yeah, Eva is now gone for three weeks. Sadface. But luckily my friend Friederike moved to London yesterday! I am looking forward to seeing her A LOT. Last time we met was in Bochum about a year ago. We got drunk on Mexicana in the Freibeuter. Good times.
Zuzana is in Brighton for a few days now. I'll catch up with her when she is back and maybe go and play football or go climbing with her! She is very active, she is. And she is still amazing.

In the evening I went to meet two other volunteers with Lisa. Marcell and Marten. Marten is weird, he just sat there with his headphones on watching stuff on his computer. But Marcell, who is SO GAY HE MAKES ME FEEL STRAIGHT IN COMPARISON, is fun. He walked in and announced that his boyfriend of two months, who he just moved to London for, broke up with him on Saturday. The whole story sounded very lesbian, so I could relate to the drama. He is very heart broken, but generally a very happy chap. He showed me pictures of his single lesbian friends and told me everything about them. I think he wants me to marry someone named Jenny. Had a brilliant evening, as Marcell's uber-gayness ("I will have to see him at least once again, because he still has 30 quid which I want back and I still have his Buffy DVD set.") made up for Denva's very straight texts.

Monday will get its own post, cause monday was LONG.

Godley Rd.

Godley Road. That is where I work now. I am scared of it. I used to work in Dyke Road, which turned me gay. God knows what Godley Road will turn me into.

I have done two shadow shifts so far and they both went really well. In the beginning I felt a bit stupid watching Lisa do the dishes and cleaning floors for hours, but apparently I can't learn how to do one of these things when I am doing something else at the same time. It is very important that everyone does everything in the exact same way as everyone else. The Client - I will call her Loreena McKennit from now on, cause that's what she looks like - has very strict routines everyone has to stick to and she gets irritated very easily. So today I spent the first hour adjusting my handwriting to Lisa's. No kidding.
The rest of the day was fun, though, because as Loreena McKennit was expecting lots of visitors in the afternoon she had Lisa and me make houmous and bake cakes! We made a lovely Banana-Oat cake-bread thing, which I will steal the recipe of. The houmous was crap, but all organic and healthy.
The afternoon, when the guests were all there and eating the amazing banana-oat-cake-bread-thing, Lisa and me spent wheeling each other around in a wheelchair. It is a fun experience, you all should try it! It is a very interesting perspective you get on the world and the ways people react to you are diverse. There was a young girl going "yuck" at me and I found it hard to tell if it was the wheelchair or the gayness, cause it's both quite disgusting, innit. (And obviously I had my hand up someone's vagina, so she knew I was gay.)*
It was mostly me wheeling Lisa around today, of course. I am the one who needs the training in wheelchair wheeling. It is quite hard and exhausting. So I figure after a few months with Loreena McKennit I will have all brawny arms and people will finally realise that I am DANGEROUS and all.

Then, when I was walking to my new flat after my 12 hour shift at work, laden with bags full of shopping I did at Sainsbury's, I all of a sudden felt very... happy. And lonely. And home. And exhausted. And right. And homesick. And I wish I was staying with Lisa already.

Facts about Lisa:

- She loves apples more than I love potatoes.
- She has a sister who is moving to India tomorrow.
- She does folklore dancing, which I find quite cool.
- She is from Ulm, so basically: Swabian.
- She has been to Ireland twice, but managed to avoid Dublin completely.

Unfortunately I was put in a different volunteers flat for a week or so. I am currently staying with Carina and The-other-girl-who-didn't-tell-me-her-name.
They have internet, but no toilet paper. They have a washing machine, but it is broken. They have a giant balcony, but it is raining. The flat is alright. I have a sink in my bedroom, which is quite handy. And there is internet, which is always worth something (=A LOT).

Am absolutely knackered right now. Last night I met Gabby in Soho. We had a fun night, went to 5 different pubs and Marina Ices (my first ice cream (Lemon sorbet, strictly speaking) in a month - I almost cried).
I then fell asleep on the last tube back South and ended up in Morden at 12.30 am. Took a taxi back to Tooting broadway for lack of buses. Then had to get up at 7 this morning in order to go and make coffee for Loreena McKennit.

Tomorrow she will get her hair cut at Putney Bridge. So Lisa and I will take her there and also buy a new Swiffer! That shall be quite exciting, I think!
Also we have cooked tomorrows dinner already today. So we will be allowed to go home as soon as we're back from Putney. That will be around 5ish! And then I have 3 long days off! I will celebrate all Friday night (if I find a friend) and then explore all of Tooting with Ros on Saturday. Sunday I will have to meet Eva, who is going to Disney World and Florida and all those nice warm magic places for three weeks. Monday I don't know. Maybe I will go on a walking tour through London with the 6th graders from my old school.

Now: bed.

Amen.**






* Or maybe I was making disgusting jokes and that's why she said yuck.
**I am quite far away from being godl(e)y at the moment, I think.

Piss and Stuff

It is time for a bit more excitingness after the boringness of the last days! So, here's whot I did:

Saturday sad-me met sad-eva for an evening of feeling lost and lonely. We had pintses here and there and we also had amazing burgers at The Gate at Newington Green. When we got extra-sad we went up to Eva's flat and watched three episodes of United States of Tara - which is quite funny, actually, but a tragic way to spend a Saturday night in London. So just when we were about to fall asleep at 10pm we decided to go to Unskinny Bop, despite the lack of friends and meet new ones. Little late, tho, cause Unskinny Bop is a very, very popular night with the gays and we didn't fit into The Star anymore. Awww. Went to The Sun instead, which is a normal, boring old men pub just down the street from The Star. There I got IDed for the first time since that friend of Ros' thought I was 40 years old and also I got in a fight with a femme lesbian in the toilet.
We ended up going home quite late and then I slept for amazing 10 hours!

In other big news: I talked to my mum on Friday. She was very relaxed and didn't seem to care much, when I mentioned quitting college and emigrating to London FOREVER. She said it is all my choice and as long as I have a decent job when I am 33 she can't really complain, because all she did before that age was sorting apples at a conveyor belt and babysitting that kid Patrick, who I had to find for her on facebook a while ago (he now lives in Australia with his wife and two kids). What she doesn't know yet is that she actually won't see me for at least 4 months.
Today I also called my shop in Konstanz and quit my job there. My boss said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", cause I was good at what I was doing, innit. She also said I ruined her Christmas and that she is happy for me. I almost cried a little, cause she was a good boss. And because I won't get 30% discount on plastic flowers and penis candy anymore.

Sunday night was the first one I spent in my new flat! I will describe my new home in a later post when I have actually moved in, cause at the moment I haven't even seen my future room, cause I slept on a mattress in Lisa's room.
Lisa is still shy and quiet and very nice, but she surprised me with dragging me all the way to Brick lane for bagels and beer on Sunday evening. Despite having worked 12 hours during the day and having to work the same again on Monday (with me as her shadow!). There was a Brick Lane Music Festival happening, but because we got there so late, we missed all the live music. Brick Lane is full of young people (=my age and younger), which is a kind of Londoner I haven't met so much before. They were all wearing weirdly patterned tights that got you high just by looking at them and most of them had hair like Amy Winehouse. I felt very old and boring.

I only spent one night in my new flat, tho, cause V. is incredibly chaotic and so unorganised that it hurts my German heart.
Yesterday I could stay at Ros' place, she made me some yummy thing for tea, dunno what it's called, but it came with mashed potatoes!
And tonight I am staying at Eva's, who is an amazing friend and my personal tiny Chinese guardian angel here in London. I met her at Farringdon earlier today to get the keys for her flat, which is ACE because it is right above a gay bar at Newington Green!

Most exciting thing that happened, tho: I saw my first drunken man pissing in the streets! And no old sweeping ladies, yet - Dream come true...

Facts from my face

- The Swedish girl from my hostel is back in Sweden, cause London was "not her thing" - guess her mystery job didn't work out.
- I know all this because I know enough Danish to understand her Swedish status updates!
- Another place to avoid is the toilet in Subway on New Oxford Street.
- I went there yesterday and am full of all the illnesses in the world now.
- You can get from Tooting Broadway to Hackney Central within an hour, even if someone tries to kill himself at London Bridge.
- You can go the same way in 2 1/2 hours but with only 2 buses and therefore for 2,40!
- Or you can walk it for free in four hours.
- Boots Strawberry Nougat bars are not half as nice as the Blueberry Yoghurt Nougat ones.
- Galia melon and Feta cheese goes amazingly well together
- In all three hostels I stayed in this month I was in room 52!
- The last stop on the Northern Line is called "Morden", which 1) sounds like "Mordor" and 2) is the German word for "to murder", which might be the real reason, why going down to Tooting felt weird in the beginning.

Legal Shit

Oh man, that was one long day at the office! I had to get through what Søs always calls "legal shit" - basically... I made an appointment for an interview to apply for a national insurance number and also I opened a bank account. But in order to open a bank account I had to get my Shad ID card done, a proof of address and a proof of employment. So I filled out 1000 forms and broke into the Balham Station photo box. 5 f***ing quid, by the way, for shit quality photos and me looking all spotty in the face. Ah well.
So now I am waiting for my bank details and bank card to arrive! That's quite exciting. I almost feel like a proper resident of the UK now!

Then I also learned that I won't be able to move into my new flat until Wednesday, which is SHIT (It means two more nights in the hostel plus lots of travel expenses to get to Balham and back...). It's cause some Nancy is still there in my room (I met her, she is tiny and seems very bored with life.) I can stay there Sunday night, tho, so I don't have to get up stupid o'clock on Monday morning for my first shadow shift!

Positive things I got out of sitting around the office all day: V. gave me a pear, which grew in his garden. And he also gave me an induction leaflet which tells me where all the fire alarms in the house are and what numbers to call when I locked myself out (very useful!) and where there's nice pubs and cinemas and lidos and cafes around where I live! I especially appreciated that the gay bar section was longer than the ordinary pub section, which must either mean that Tooting is really gay, or that the organisation is full of gays or that V.'s gaydar is really good and he put the list of gay bars together just for meee.

Next thing on my list: Meet Eva in First Out, buy her a drink in exchange for her keys. Maybe I will have a jacket potato... *rubs belly* ... but probably not, cause I had to spend my jacket-potato-money on horrible photos of my tired face. Meh.

Literature

I was right... Yesterday really wasn't very exciting. I walked around Hackney for a while and bought nice food and then made Dünnele for Ros and Emma in the evening. They were yummie. I should make them more often. They had potatoes and onions and ham and mushrooms on them.

The rest of the day I spent being lazy in front of my laptop. I started a new exciting project, tho, for when I am cold and lonely and broke and all alone in a land far far away (aka Tooting) in November!
I signed up for the NaNoWriMo! So basically I will spend all my free time in November writing a novel! Exciting, isn't it! I think I will work on a story I've been thinking about for quite a while. I won't tell you what it is about, yet, but maybe some of you will get to read it one day. (Of course you'll have to buy the book at Hugendubel/Easons/Foyles/Osiander/amazon first...)

I also signed up for Wandsworth freecycle. Hope I'll find some nice things there for my new room!

Then I stayed up really late last night and read poetry. I shouldn't do that. Even though I found some new Fried poems, which are brilliant. I liked this one a lawt:

Du sagst
ich soll nicht
Liebe
und Lieben sagen
Das bringt nichts mehr
meinst du
und ist zu mystisch
und zu verschwommen
Nun ja
ich kann natürlich
auch die Zähne zusammenbeißen
und Bumsen sagen
oder vielleicht sogar
Ficken sagen
wie du
doch du weißt gar nicht
wie mich das
abregt

I can't really take his more serious stuff anymore, even though I still see the brilliance in it. Guess I've just actually grown up a little and am not the overly melodramatic kid I used to be. (Wonder if Fried really stayed a melodramatic kid for all his life, cause I think poems like "Inschrift" he wrote in his 40s and 50s.) Anyway... took a little walk down memory lane last night and then remembered that Fried lived in England and is buried in London (even though he died in Baden-Baden. I hope if I die in Baden-Baden they'll bury me in London, too. Or at least manage to get me to Konstanz, if the money's tight.)! I looked it up, it's Kensal Green cemetery. So I think I will go and visit his grave there one of these days.

Today I will be a bit busier again. I have to go to the SHAD office in a bit and learn about all their policies and get through a lecture about national insurance numbers. Hope I won't have to learn about Oyster cards again.
Then later I have to go and nick keys off Eva and then off Ros, cause I'm attempting to spend every night this weekend in a different bed. And then I will maybe meet Gabby again for more beer and madness.




PS: They can always just burn my dead body and feed the ashes to slugs of course (I guess that is what will happen. I know they will get me in the end.).

Blisters

I don't have much to tell you about yesterday. I pretty much spent the morning walking all the way from Tottenham Court Road to Highbury and Islington, which gave me blisters on my feet. Then I did laundry and cooking. Sometimes London isn't much more exciting than any other place, really, just bigger.

So since I don't have much to tell you today, I will write you a poem instead. It goes like this:

I live in London, oh dear!
It is full of whiskey and beer.
You can drink it all up
When you go to the pub,
And that's why I like it here!


Today won't be much more exciting than yesterday. I will venture out to Hackney later and see what the day brings.

Potatoes and Raw Fish

I have a job in London! And I have a flat in London!

I met the client I will be working with yesterday and also my future flatmate. Can't tell you much about my client, really, cause of confidentiality and all that, but I want to say that she is AMAZING.
She says working with her will involve going to lots of demonstrations, sitting around in court rooms as she is currently suing Wandsworth council, going for coffees at Trafalgar Square on sundays while she is at church and talking to her amazing mad artist daughter (who is my age) on the phone. Plus she won't make me dig around in her garden if I am too scared of slugs.

My flatmate is 22, German (of course) and very nice, but also very shy. We'll get along fine, I think. AND there is a bike coming with the flat, which Lisa (my flatmate) never uses. All is ace.

Will start doing my first shadow shifts next week!

So yeah, when I got over my initial grumpiness yesterday turned into a really good day! After meeting my client (will have to find a nickname for her...) I chilled out in Soho Square for a while until Gabby came to meet me there. We then started the mission "Drink, Drink, Drink, Rant, Drink, Drink, Slap and Spit".
Soho is weird. I think it changes magically at some point during the evening. In the daytime it is full of bookshops and smoothie places and at night it's all pubs and sex shops. We missed the transformation, cause we were having lots of Alpine pints in the Glasshouse Stores. So the DDDRDD part of our mission went really well, but then we failed with the SaS part. Maybe if you replace the "Slap and Spit" with "Sushi and Smiles" we can count the mission as a success. Had Sushi from one of those little conveyer belts for the first time and got very excited about it. Spent shitloads of money and I think I ate octopus.
Anyway, got back to the hostel around 4am, I think. And I remember something about an art exhibition with free drinks on Thursday... will have to ask Gabby what that was about again. Maybe I will get to wear something elegant and parade around with a glass of champagne like Bette Porter.

Tonight: Tamara Drewe, cause it's Orange Wednesday and the cinema is cheap, innit. Hope it is funny.

Now I am going to cook some food, cause I am starving and feel a bit sick from all the drinking and ranting last night. I bought lots of potatoes at the shop on the corner and will eat them all, cause my main project at the moment is "get fatter", cause I don't have any trousers that fit anymore and I look very ridiculous in my too big clothes. (When I am wearing nothing I look quite good, tho.)


PS: I also have a new favourite thing in the world. Boots' Blueberry Yoghurt Nougat Bar. They are a good reason to emigrate to the UK. I am sure my parents will understand.

Zombieland

I really like hostels, usually. Cause you always meet interesting people from all over the world and you're usually on holidays, going somewhere, which is always good.
Tonight, when The Cunt's (this is what I will call him, at least until I got a bit of sleep and can be nice again)phone rang for the upteenth time, I thought that maybe I am getting too old for this.
Went to bed quite late anyway, cuz I met Eva and her friend Sophie (who is straight and still something like the Oak Bar mascot)for free game night at the Oak. Won a few games of Connect 4 (I am good at this. Eva says I should put it on my CV.) and lost a few games of pool and then went back to the hostel, where I tried to make the internet work for about 2 hours. I failed, but ended up watching "Monster" for the 5th time. I love that film, because - secret fact about me - I love Christina Ricci, especially when she is playing a lesbo.
In the end watching Charlize standing in the rain with a grumpy face killing assholes for 2 hours got me quite depressed, tho. So I wasn't in the best mood when I went to bed. And THEN after sleeping for 30 minutes The Cunt entered the scene. First of all he turned the lights on and talked on his phone really loudly until everyone in the dorm was awake, then he waved a plastic bag around for about half an hour and was generally as loud as possible while putting on his little pyjamas. Until one of the other girls in the room went: "Fucking hell..." and started crying.*
Then he stopped and left the room. With the lights on. So I got up and turned them off. And everyone went back to sleep for another 15 minutes.
The Cunt came back with a friend, talking and laughing and we all stuck out our little heads from behind our bed curtains and stared at him in disbelief. He just ignored us and when his friend finally left went back to playing with his plastic bag. So at some point I couldn't take it anymore, cause I had had a long day, innit.

DUUUUUDE IT'S HALF TWO IN THE MORNING, SORT YOUR SHIT OUT AND TURN THE LIGHTS OFF!

- is more or less what I shouted at him. Everyone else started clapping.*
He actually did put his plastic bag away and lay down to play with his phone, which apparently he wasn't able to do in the dark (for he left the lights on) or without key sounds (cause every time he pressed a key on his phone it beeped). And then... then he fell asleep (and of course he snored like a lumberjack, but you can't really tell him off for that).

So I got up to turn the lights off and lay down my little head and closed my tired eyes and ignored The Cunt's phone which kept ringing from time to time with the most annoying ring tone.

Absolutely KNACKERED today. (I bet you wonder why.) And very grumpy, too. Hope a little bit of fresh inner city London air will cheer me up. If not, Gabby definitely will tonight!

Also, I am annoyed by this German teacher talking crap to her poor students about how awful food in England is and generally everything English, while everything in Germany is so much better. Should have stayed there then, innit.

*tromps off*


So let me tell you about the long day I had before meeting The Cunt. Cause that was actually quite good!
I made my way to Belham in the morning, took the bus to Old Street and then got on the tube. The Shad office is right next to Belham Station, so I didn't have any problems finding it.
Yeah, so the interview was very relaxed, basically he just had me repeat what I already wrote in my application. Then he asked some extra questions like how I would feel about working with people of a different sexual orientation (Obviously I told him that I feel very uncomfortable working with straight people.), how I would feel about doing 24 hour shifts (Been there, done that. Hope I will get to do lots of them and then be off work lots, too.), if I am an honest person (which I found a bit of a ridiculous question, as I NEVER lie) and stuff like that. Then he told me to meet my client (who I still don't know anything about) today! Which basically means: I got the job. Yayay! If my client likes me I will be living in Tooting (yeah, I know, have been pittied lots already) by next week!
Also he signed me up for some NVQ in Health and Social Care course. Dunno what it is about, really. But it's free and why not do it.

So I am off to Balham again in a bit and then finally, finally meet Gabby in Soho for beers and ranting about CUNTS and other terrible people.

Sorry for saying the c-word so much.



* True story!

Pintses

Two eventful days later...

I don't know if I feel able to tell you in detail about everything that happened. But here's a few of the more important things:

- did three hours of food shopping for a dinner party
- met Eva and her friend Zuzana-who-is-great
- had a few pints at The Cellar
- had amazing chicken for tea
- had a pint at the Oak Bar
- walked through dodgiest dodgy area just off Shoreditch High Street
- had a pint at Brick Lane
- had too much gin tonic
- slapped someone in the face for the first time in my life
- lost my hoodie and my jacket
- lost my mobile
- lost my (left -again-) contact lense
- regained consciousness
- apologised to Eva a lot
- found contact lense in my eye
- found mobile in my bag
- had freshly squeezed apple juice and bubble for breakfast
- forgot to pay
- apologised to Eva some more
- watched City of God, which is amazing
- had horrible dirty chicken for tea
- got introduced to Derren Brown
- had nightmare involving Derren Brown
- found jacket and hoddie in Ros' room
- had cheerios for breakfast


That about sums it up. And now NOW I am off to my interview. Toodles!



*downs a pint of lager to calm down*

Balham!

So, things are happening!

Just when I was about to leave the horrible cafe yesterday my phone rang! It was V.N. the SHAD volunteers coordinator, who invited me for an interview on Monday morning at 11! I will spend the night in Hackney and then will have to make it allll the way to Balham! Might take a while, but shouldn't be too complicated. Overground, Central line, Northern line... I hope I won't end up working down there in the South.
V.N. says he really liked my application and that he has already talked to Gillian! That is awfully exciting, cause I haven't talked to Gillian in over 2 years and I have many questions. Obviously I couldn't ask him any of them, but it is nice to know that Gill is still out there. (Hello, Gill!)
V. also said that I would have to hand in a second reference as soon as possibubble.
So I wrote an email to a certain old English teacher of mine, who luckily is my friend on facebook (- that's how I knew her email address, you see). She was very pleased that I wrote to her in English and will be happy to write me another reference. Yayay! We also might go for a coffee in a couple of weeks when she will be in London with the 6th graders. Awww. I hope she won't bring the 6th graders.

Last night I watched the Ultimate Big Brother with Ros, Mathilde and Emma. Yes. I know... But you have to adapt to the culture of the country you live in to a certain extend.
It is not quite as horrible as the German Big Brother, but I am quite happy it is over and I am living in a Big Brother free country! Amazing!
Then I had quite a good night's sleep in my new hostel. BEST BED EVER. I wish I was still in it. Alas, I had to check out and am now back in the horrible cafe, drinking horrible tea. Upstairs, tho, not down in the prison cell. Here they have windows and mirrors and a TV with happy childrens' programmes on.

Plans for the rest of the day rather squishy.





PS: Innit.

Madeira

So today is I-have-nothing-to-do-Friday. So you get two updates of my adventures in ponderland today.

This morning I checked out of my hostel, together with the Swedish girl who suddenly rushed off to some mysterious job she wasn't willing to talk about.
So I walked through London on my own. ALL OF IT. The WHOLE of London. For 1 1/2 hours! (My back laughs at me for telling SHAD that it was strong and healthy...)
I asked for a bed for the night at 5 (!) hostels, which were all booked out and was already getting used to the thought of sleeping in a cardboard box in Soho Square, when finally the 6th hostel had a bed for me. For 23 quid a night with breakfast. That's alright, I think. Cause it is a nice hostel with a bar and a pool table and a TV room that looks like an old wooden court room.

It's right at King's Cross, but I couldn't check in yet, I'll have to come back after 2.30pm. So I started walking around in search for a nice cafe with free Wifi. I found one!

-> I am currently in the second place that will go on my list of "Places to avoid in London". It is the downstairs seating area of the Madeira Cafe at King's Cross. They do have free wifi, but I feel a bit like in a prison cell, only there's no bed. And no barred windows, cause there's no windows at all. Only two grey pictures of fog, to cheer up the customers. I have been sipping at my cup of tea for about an hour now. It is horrible tea (and I must know, I am almost English now). I want beer. I want Gabby to be here (well not here, but maybe somewhere nice, with me) to rant at life's wrongness with me and celebrate the goodness of it. She is good at ranting and celebrating.

I have to go now. This place is too depressing.

Crrrrrazy

The Yesterday went quite well. I spent all day at The Wall of Stone being gay in an office full of gays doing gay stuff (not what you think). The work I do for them is mostly boring. I used to spend hours watching Hollyoaks and taking notes of gay references made during the show. And I used to type up spreadsheets or research contact details for them on the internet.
Yesterday I had to repeat surveys they took on paper on the internet. So basically I had to do the same online survey 150 times and pretend to be 150 different homophobes leaving comments like

"YUCKYUCK you GAYS! A GAY MAN FLIRTED WITH ME ONCE I HATE YOU ALL"*

or

"WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND PAPER I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS AT ALL"*

or

"SURVEYS LIKE THIS WOULD BE BETTER CARRIED OUT DURING SPRING WHEN THERE'S NOT SO MUCH WORK TO DO.

PS: I am scared of gays."*


So, that was quite delightful work. I spent 7 hours on it and then left, gay as a sailor at sea.
Well.
I went back to the hostel and ate more houmous ginger snaps. In my room I met a Swedish girl with massive tattoos and pears she shared with me. Turns out she just left her job and school in Sweden to live in London, even though she doesn't have anything to do yet. She's looking for work as an Aupair. And she is very confused, cause she had never been to London before. So I gave her some advices, cause I am such an old Londoner and know the city like the back of my hand, innit (For example I love saying "innit" all the time.).
Then there was another girl, who we thought was asleep, but after listening to our stories of what we are doing in London she all of a sudden laughed out loud and said: "You arrre both crrrazy." She had a lovely eastern european accent and a shaved head and massive dark eyes and I am a little bit in love with her.

Unfortunately I didn't get to know her better, cause I then had to leave to meet Eva and Sal and Cli at Angel (Still thinking about how to shorten my name so it's only three letters. All London lesbians have three letter names, I think.). In The Green. The Green is cool, during happy hour you get 2 pints for 3.70! Amazing! So we got all a bit drunkity and then went on to the Oak Bar, where I lost a few games of pool. Ah well... Somehow I found my way back to the hostel, too. I remember it involved a dog following me around for ages. I wonder if it is still sitting outside in front of the hostel waiting for me!? Bit scared to go outside and check...










* This is not an actual quote from the survey. Obv. But it comes quite close.

"Yo t Hos l"

Living in London is a little boring.

It wouldn't be, tho (I think), if I wasn't stuck in a deserted hostel at the far end of Hyde Park with no common room, no money and hurty feet. I might drag myself to the pub around the corner later, even though it is full of very posh people, who are probably staying at the Hilton Hotel next door. They will look down on me and go: "You must be staying at the "Yo t Hos l" (cause that is what it says above the door of my hostel, innit) next to our hotel with your ripped Jeans and your worn out shoes. Get out of our Posh Pub!" And I will look up at them with big sad eyes like little Oliver when he came to London first (I imagine... never seen the musical) and they will feel sorry, cause my face is so dirty and maybe someone will adopt me!
Or maybe I'll just go to bed.

The hostel I am staying in is fine. It's clean, just very old, but also very, very cheap. I am sharing a room with three other people, who I haven't met yet, but I think they are girls and about 12 years old, according to the stuff they have lying around here.

Apart from the boringness of this evening my life as a Londoner (how lovely and weird does that sound?) is very exciting!
I have applied as a Full Time Volunteer with an oranisation named SHAD, who work with physically disabled people. I think the chances that they'll take me are quite good, given they believe the lies I told them about how I never have problems with my back at all.
I would LOVE to volunteer again, for a while! Afterall my time in Ireland still was one of the best in my life and I wouldn't mind similar experiences.
So yeah, fingers crossed!

Also I have done my first Official Food Shop as a non-tourist in London. I bought houmous and biscuits and ham and bread. So I can have houmous ham pockets or a ginger snap sandwich!
I also bought a towel at Primark on Oxford Street. Which is the first place on my list of "Places to avoid in London".

Tomorrow I will volunteer more for Stonewall. They have their office on the 14th floor of a building right next to Waterloo Station. You have the most amazing view over London from up there. And it is full of really nice people. I will tell you more about it later, maybe.

Now I will go and either get lost in Hyde Park or drunk in a pub. Cause that's what Londoners do, I think!

Down the Rabbit Hole...

I am in Ponderland. It is dirty and chaotic, full of rats and pigeons, expensive, smelly, rotten and massive. I feel at home in the weirdest, weirdest way.
Yesterday morning, wrapped in a blanket, sipping on a can of red stripe, I decided to stay.

Now. That's exciting, innit. And oh so scary.

It is mad. And I can't help wondering if maybe, maybe I am just being massively immature and unreasonable. And why I can't seem to stay in one place for more than a year. Konstanz, Cologne, Bochum, Galway, Bochum again, back to Konstanz... all since 2005. And now it is the Old Smoke. Who knows what on earth I am running from.

Thing is, I can't help it. I wasn't made for a life in a pretty German town full of old churches and red wine and old women sweeping the sidewalks at 7am on a Saturday morning. Much as I miss it when I am not there.
I like old pubs and beer and drunk men pissing on the sidewalks at 7 am on a Saturday morning better.

So I'll have to take a deep breath and tell my parents that I am dropping out of college. Again.
Last time went quite well. Here's what I blogged about it back then:

So... I recently dropped out of college.
The college doesn't know yet. But my parents do.
I was really scared to tell them, afterall they spent a shitload of money on my education during the past couple of years. I felt like a loser and complete disappointment to my mum and dad, when I sobbed my drop-out plans into the telephone receiver.
My mum was cool, though. She said she still loved me and if I wanted to, she would take all the boxes with gift wrap out of my old room and I could come back home to live in it and she'd make me breakfast and a hot water bottle.
Then she said I needed to find something else to do.

This time I want to have a vague idea of what else I could do before I tell them. So I'll have to hurry and get organised a bit. Will find hostel and look for jobses today and do some free work for the gays, cause I love them.

DEEP BREATH. Hello London!

(Feel free to let me know that I am STUPID AND MENTAL in a comment. But don't forget that some of The Best People were College drop outs or gays. Or both. I think the fact that it took Steven Spielberg 34 years to do his Bachelor makes me feel quite good about my decision.)